| In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living
in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth
has become wicked and |
| over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh
before me. |
| |
| Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with
a few good humans." |
| |
| He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You
have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending
rain for 40 days and 40 nights." |
| |
| Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping
in his yard - but no Ark. |
| |
| "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to
start the rain! Where is the Ark?" |
| |
| "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things
have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing
with the inspector about the |
| need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim
that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building
the Ark in my yard and exceeding |
| the height limitations. We had to go to the Development
Appeal Board for a decision. |
| |
| Then the Department of Transportation demanded
a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines |
| and other overhead obstructions, to clear the
passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the |
| sea would be coming to us, but they would hear
nothing of it. |
| |
| Getting the wood was another problem. There's
a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. |
| I tried to convince the environmentalists that
I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go! |
| |
| When I started gathering the animals, an animal
rights group sued me. |
| |
| They insisted that I was confining wild animals
against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, |
| and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals
in a confined space. |
| |
| Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark
until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on Your
proposed flood. |
| |
| I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights
Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my
building crew. |
| |
| Immigration and Naturalization is checking the
green-card status of most of the people who want to work. |
| |
| The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They
insist have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience. |
| |
| To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered
species. |
| |
| So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least
10 years for me to finish this Ark." |
| |
| Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to
shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up
in wonder and asked, |
| "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
|
| |
| |
